Yesterday got to me, but today even more. A constant reflection of how things are going, how I wish things were, or how different my life is, or would be.
I miss my parents incredibly. The constant love from my mother, and the only person I could randomly talk to on the phone, feeling safe and warm inside. My father knew it all, and could solve all problems before it arose, the way he could forsee the future, the vast amount of knowledge, that I currently do not, wish he’s still be around to share and keep me safe from everything I do not know.
And my boyfriend, that I solely commit myself to. The only person, I’d ever imagine myself growing old with till our next lives. A strange feeling of commitment that I have to get use to. I love him. And I am the most trustworthy. But it is a strange feeling and a new passage in my live I have NEVER voyaged down before. I love him, and the thought of being with him forever is scary. I know I can trust him. And I really do not want to be disappointed. My while life is at stake. I have no one anymore except him.
My life is a little easier with him in my life. A little company can go a long way. I’d imagine I’ll still be stuck in the same fulfilling job, perhaps with more friends, and perhaps a healthier and strong body, and a bookshelf full of Read books. Life would have been so different.
I miss my parents the most. How them being here, would change everything, especially the way I feel now.
And now is the time to trust most in our relationship. The time where I need him the most. The time, I Cannot lose anything or it all goes back to am empty hollow hole again.
Should I marry him. Does he make me happy every waking moment. It’s difficult to say, and being together long enough, like I say, I don’t want to be disappointed. But today a gesture was made, and his eyes could see and hear my heart. He is still by my side. Providing and supporting me, in the best way he can.
I am strong. And I am strong enough to be able to Accept Change. To flow as the water does. Change so many changes. But to stay strong and continue to run against the wind.