I love him…but …

Today marks the day after our discussion/talk….bluntly speaking argument. Life has been so so so Perfect recently, and no, this has not destroyed my perfectness, although, yes it has, but I’m still feeling all so wonderful.

We had a argument not long ago, and I was on the verge to leaving …for a break, to clear things, and think things over. But I did not. I stayed. I stayed because I care. I stayed because I love him. But I was all so tired. Tired of arguing at least once a week, complaining about everything, for me to support that, and be strong not to retaliate. To be an adult about the situation. I broke. It was too much that evening, and I vowed if that ever happen again, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

And it happened yesterday. In a sense, the situation was better handled because we talked as adults, a discussion, as I mentioned above. But things started to get out of hand. And in a way, it could be a good thing that we was not in the house for once ‘discussing’; for I would have cried and screamed louder. But anything could have happened, and if I broke even further, no doubt, I would be rolling around on the street asking for help for my pain.

And today. Today. I really don’t care. I mean, .. I do care. But I just don’t have the mind to continue on. My heart feels, but my mind, my willpower is no longer there. I love him. I love him. I love him. So many, infinity times over. At times I feel a fool for loving him so much, but he cannot see what I have provided for him. I don’t psychically have the energy to partake in this relationship, as much as my heart is telling me to. And at one point, I feel naive for falling in love with the first guy I open fully to. I love him, and that is all I can say.  I don’t know what or how to travel our journey from here, because all I feel is more empty and love. My love is trying to fight its way….but do I have the strength to? Do I?.. I have gotten up so may times. And yet I believe that in our future, I will have to get up a million times more…is that how my love should be, is that what my love deserves? … To pick myself up over, and over again. I need support from another, not from myself. Not to be reminded, what I have been doing all my life.

But the conclusion is. I. Love. Him. The strength inside me. The truth within is telling me that the journey with him has not finished, and there is much more to adventure around together. I love him. And that is our strength. Love is the answer to all. And love I will feel. This is something I do not even have to try and love, but do naturally.

I .Love. Him .!

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