Love. An evaluation. Am I in love?

I am in relationship. A serious relationship. One I have never been in before / I have never been in one before. And it feels strange. ..Strange in a good way, I guess.  I am learning a lot of new things.

I have never been a relationship type of girl. But now is the time in my life to settle down. My young promiscuous days are over. I’ve down what I needed to do. It was exciting, and thrilling; the feeling of the chase, the freshness, etc. And every now and then I would get that feeling for a short burst. But I’ve finished university, and it was time to look for a job and settle down. It was difficult living at home, and half difficult finding a guy to go for. But the game got tiring. It was one after the other after the other, with finally *the cliche*, no real feelings or commitment. And funnily/ ironically enough, it wasn’t until I was Fully 100% over wanting anything to do with anything, and to try work on me…that is when the story changed.

When finishing university, I have loved 2 guys. Both non serious relationships….but could have been if the external circumstances were not there; one on distance, and the other on time. Although, those things should never dictate a relationship other than ones love, it did, and albeit it was just never ever meant to be…. as they were never serious relationships.

Guy number 3 (who’d I’d like to put no.1, but in chronological order), I’d like to think as 3rd time lucky. He is the Perfect one (as cringe and as cliche as it sounds). Due to my promiscuous days, I was easy, and knew that if I ever was in a serious relationship, it would NEVER be that way. What comes easy will not last, as they say. And I have never been a trusting person anyway, due to people not standing by you etc etc. We are 4 days to marking it 8 months together, and I can almost say I’m in love with him. Or am I already? This relationship has been completely different, like no other, as experienced as I like to think I am. But as I like to think/ as the law of physic say … two opposites will attract. He is my opposite is so many ways…a meat eater, a workouter, a non reader, a non desserter, etc etc. But I love him in so So so SOOOO many more ways than our opposites. ..And to add the fact, he is DEFINITELY not my type.

We met at work. And I wanted to prove to myself that I could be just friends with a guy. This guy seems genuine. And I Know a genuine guy when I see one. And I’m still not wrong. However, I’m not a genuine girl, that is the problem. And this relationship was never meant to go anywhere. But This. Guy. Isssss. Persistant. but weirdly enough, I enjoyed his persistance, despite having other guys on the line at the time (and he knew that too). I enjoyed his company. …although, it’s always been easy for me to talk to guys anyway, way much easier.

Getting to the point and fowarding on why I’ve kept him for so long… I deserved a chance, on myself. And also a chance for him. Both ways. Things just fell into place, and thinking about it now, it seems so funny how it did. How certain things, made us that way, for example I now have car, which now distance is not a problem, and as we both worked at the same place, neither was time. It was the perfect time in fact. And as later events with my family unfolded, the death of my parents, I had and will continue to have that support, and a shoulder to cry on.

I am learning a lot about myself. I love learning about myself and developing and thinking and evolving to become that better person. And especially as I’ve never been in a relationship before, I am more committed than ever to solve how all this works. And its fascinating. Moreover, I want to give the same amount of love he gives me back. And I’m trying so hard to love him more and more each day, and I’m succeeding.

Two days ago, on a early morn. That moment. That look in his eyes, the atmosphere, the stillness, the smile, the comfortableness, the ease. It seems the planets have aligned again, and once more I have fallen deeper. Like Cupid to my heart. Like a magic dust had sprinkled upon my eyes. I . Realllyy. realllly. realllly. love him.

I love the way, that I’m treated like, not a princess or a queen, but as the world revolves around me (*cliche alert), I’m always his priority; everything he does. We have our arguments, but at the end of the day,  it comes down to my intuition, and the trust I have in myself. It the genuinity I see in ones heart, ones mind, and ones heart. And that has gone on for the year I have known him. Will our relationship be the same in 10, 5, 2 years? I’m no fortune teller, and I’d like to love so.

We have our difficult moments. I’m much older and am more settled. I’m more ‘experienced’, in some areas and vice versa. We both have different priorities at times. And as I’ve mentioned, he loves me more, …he gets jealous easier. And it does annoy me. I don’t see it as a major problem, but one that could be turned into a strength for both of us. And for both to learn our way to survive it. Anyway…

Am . I . In. Love? … I am serious for this relationship. The distrust in me, makes me want to wait a few months more, in not years. But I have never been happier. I finally have someone, a partner, a lover, a friend, (which I never had any of these), I can do something with. I can go crazy with and not be judged. Is willing to do those things with me. Opposites attract, and it’s not always about ‘going for your type’. It’s about giving yourself that chance you/I deserve. We can be a little worried about the future, but take the risk, and find out, and continue to find out. Continue to be surprised, continue to learn, continue to be intrigued by those things you’d never expected…

Happiness is life. Love is life. And I deserve to be happy and loved. We all do.

TBC.

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