Recollect again

The Contents of my life: My lover, family, friends, keeping fit, work, and intellect/spanish/reading. Recently things have been going up and down as usual. And today hit a standstill where I had to call in sick from work, something Not in my nature to do. Therefore…time for an evaluation…

My love life is the most important to me. I have come to realise. Love is reciprocal. And I vow to love him harder and harder each day furthermore and onwards. Love is my only answers towards all my problems. I have a great deal of hate inside me, and I know that love is the only answer. From the day I told myself, I would not want anymore one nighters, and to be my own independent woman, I was prepared to give my life away to the one who will sweep me off my feet and save me from all the mess in my life, all the trauma, all the mess that I have gotten deeper and deeper into and need saving. And from no where, I have found my hero. There is still a lot to work on, mainly my own personal issues, but this girl deserves happiness. And that, my hero can provide. He gives me his everything and I should and will do the same. I’d admit, every now and then I miss a good days, the excitement, the chase, the heart pumping…but to be loved in every way is the most exciting of all. The high life can get tiring and to be loved and be in love is the greatest high of all. #lifegoals

My family is next on my list – They are all I have next in the world. My parents have gone now. And I can see from recent events that we are becoming stronger and stronger as a family, to fight and unite. I am proud of us, as we come together, as this has Never been our strong point. I had always wished for us to talk more, and to be together more. Although, unfortunate it has taken my parents death for them to realise, now is better than never. And I can say I am happy with where we are. Altough my goal for this is to be with them as much as possible.

My work – Work is important for me. I spend more hours in a day and in a week, at work than anything else. I enjoy my job, but I have been at it for 6-7 months, the longest I’ve kept a job for, yet I dont seem to get the hang of it. I feel like it’s the social aspect of my life that is making me lose my mind. That is making me turn into a shy under confident introvert, .. And I Hate the way people see me like that. I enjoy my job and I know I am good at it, without these aspects. This morning talking to my dearest lover, he said that the reason he works hard, is because of me and all that we could get. That is a valid point, and from this, I will learn to focus my energy on this way of mind. Tbh, working hard/well, is for my own happiness also, because I enjoy getting good feedback. I will focus more. For Myself and for My Lover. The world is ours, nothing to do with other peoples opinions and the well-being of the company, just focus. day. by. day. Do the best, no cutting corners, like it was the first day. everything to predestine conditions. Keep busy, keep busy, keep busy.

Next is the small details and categories. My friends – it’s been difficult with my tiring job hours, and hours spent with my lover. Although, when I do have time free, they do not. And I have not spend time with my very few friends in a long long time. I miss the chats, and talking to someone, that is not my lover for once. lol. And I can hear my other personalities come out and realise, I am someone, I have something to say, I know what I am doing in life, and to get more opinons and learn more from others. .. but recently this has not happened. And I need to work on something … :/ .. ><

The last but not least my fitness. This is something which has always been a part of me and I enjoy doing. I have completed 3 weeks of Insanity. However, today marks the last day. I had to stop due to hunger issues. Work does not allow multiple breaks to eat or even multiple breaks. I feel disappointed in myself because I was determined to finish the two months, and only did 3 weeks. I will come back to the programme one day, when I am able to follow the food requirements. However, as it is getting in the way of my work, and also you could say my life at home, being tired all the time, and hungry and in pain. These are the things I am not prepared to sacrifice, just to push.

I seem to have a lot going on. However, today is finally a day where I can Try to breathe. There are a few things to sort out with my parents passing, but just the few details. My love life, is what I’m putting all the focus on, from now onwards, as that is the answers to all my problems. And with work, I’ll focus so much more and not look lost all the time lol.

Things. My feet need to stay on the ground, and I need to be on top of my game, if I want to go somewhere. I know I have my lover, and he will do anything to help me. But in true sense, I am the only person who can help myself. With most things starting to die down. I am happy to reflect, and be grateful for what I have, and to focus on getting better, day by day. xxx

 

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